1. When deciding on a wedding date, keep in mind religious and civil holidays. If your officiant is associated with a sizable congregation, he or she may have responsibilities related to the holiday which may prevent them from participating in your celebration.



2. Many Jewish clergy, especially Orthodox and Conservative rabbis, may be unable to bless your interfaith union. In many cases, this inability has less to do with the rabbi's personal convictions and more to do with his contractual obligations to his congregation.



3. Often couples will want to use a Huppa (also spelled Huppah, Chuppa or Chuppah) during their wedding ceremony. A Huppa is a Jewish ceremonial item, a large frame made of various materials under which the ceremony occurs. Jewish tradition allows a wide range of Huppa options. You can make your own, using a large piece of cloth, with specially embroidered and carved wooden poles. This can be especially meaningful, especially for interfaith unions where families have a chance to get to know one another during the project. You can also make one out of a large tallis (another Jewish ceremonial item), with the ends held by poles or your friends. Most florists can build Huppas for you, including the cost in your floral bill for the wedding. Finally, a synagogue may have one for use, although this is unlikely. For more information on huppas, click here.



4. A commonly desired Jewish wedding item is a ketubah. A ketubah is a Jewish wedding contract, which lists of the rights and responsibilities of the parties to the marriage. Traditionally written in Aramaic, a ketubah is a required part of the Orthodox Jewish wedding ceremony. In Conservative and Reform Jewish wedding ceremonies, ketubahs (plural ketubot in Hebrew) can be written in any language and are often left out of the ceremony. Many of the intermarriages at which I've officiated have included a reading of the ketubah, which makes an excellent keepsake of the ceremony.



5. Most couples insist on independence when it comes to their ceremony, but it doesn't always work out that way. Many times parents and others will good-naturedly suggest that a special ceremony or language be included, such as a communion service or the use of large amounts of Hebrew. By including such elements, family members may feel left out and excluded. An intermarriage is difficult enough without adding more opportunities to distance each other's families. Before including elements of your respective traditions, first try to think how they might impact on the feelings of your families. It will save you tons of grief in the future.



6. Make sure you know the details of getting a marriage license in your state. In most states, the license must be secured from the clerk of the city, town, or village in which you are getting married. Many states also require a blood test (the results of which are usually good for 35 days), which checks for sexually transmitted diseases. You may also need the full name, title and contact info of your officiant. Once you get the license, most states require that you marry within a certain time period (in Connecticut it's 65 days) and that it be ratified, or signed, by the officiant and turned back in to the clerk's office within 10 days after the ceremony by the officiant who performed the ceremony.



7. Preparing for a wedding all by yourself can be a daunting task. The most important thing you can do to reduce your stress is to let professionals take over most of the tasks required, i.e. an officiant for the ceremony, a seamstress for the dress, a caterer for the reception, a florist for flowers, etc. Afterwards, let them do the jobs you've contracted them to do. Nothing will destroy your emotional equilibrium more than to worriedly hover over a professional, watching their every move, trying to second-guess them. Remember, they are professionals - that's why you're paying them.



8. Wedding ceremonies vary widely, from 5-minute canned readings made to be recited by your local Justice of the Peace, to elaborate custom affairs created by liturgical poets and designed to be celebrated by several co-officiants, a choir and musical accompaniment. Don't get frustrated if you find that your officiant initially offers something other than what you expect or desire. Most officiants will offer some degree of customization; the best officiants offer a range of ceremonies and customizations, thus ensuring that you have a warm, beautiful and meaningful ceremony that reflects your own values on your special day.



9. When customizing your wedding ceremony, keep in mind that the laws of each state require that certain questions must always be asked by an officiant during the ceremony, regardless of the couple's desires. They ascertain consent and intent, i.e. are the groom and bride getting married of their own free will, are they aware of the responsibilities of marriage, and do they intend on fulfilling these responsibilities. Correct responses to these questions legitimize the marriage in the eyes of the state and are required before the officiant can ratify (sign) the marriage certificate.



10. Immediately before the ceremony, make sure the officiant(s) know where all the ceremonial items (i.e. ketubah, unity candle, wine, goblets, tallis, etc.) which will be used during the ceremony are located.

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